thinking of you or thinking about you. which is better?
Neither phrase is strictly "better"—both are grammatically correct, natural, and widely used, though they carry slightly different emotional nuances and shades of meaning. [1, 2]
According to the Cambridge Dictionary Grammar Guide, both expressions work well depending on the context. [1]
Thinking of you
- The Vibe: Softer, warmer, more emotional, and often more gentle or intimate.
- How it feels: It often describes a quick flash of memory, a sweet moment where someone crosses your mind, or a tender check-in (e.g., "I'm thinking of you today and hoping you're okay").
- Best used for: Expressing sympathy, affection, or letting someone know they popped into your head spontaneously. [1, 2, 3]
Thinking about you
- The Vibe: Slightly more active, sustained, or deliberate.
- How it feels: It implies longer contemplation, processing, or a continuous train of thought over time (e.g., "I've been thinking about you since our last conversation").
- Best used for: Deepening a conversation, showing you've been dwelling on or seriously considering someone or a situation involving them. [1, 2]
Which should you choose?
- Use "thinking of you" if you want to send a quick, sweet, comforting message (like during a tough time or a casual check-in).
- Use "thinking about you" if you have genuinely spent a good bit of time reflecting on them or a past talk you shared. [1, 2]
If you'd like, tell me:
- Who the message is for (a partner, a friend going through a hard time, etc.)?
- What tone or situation you have in mind?
I can help you write a quick note using the best fit.
an old casual girlfriend from school, 50 years ago
we've been meeting every few years or so. I think about her ever so often.
Since you have kept in touch and see each other every few years, "thinking about you" actually works beautifully here. Because there is an active, ongoing connection, it doesn't sound too intense—it sounds honest and warm.
Using "ever so often" is a wonderful, gentle touch. It lets her know she is a fond, recurring part of your thoughts without putting any pressure on her.
Here are a few ways to phrase a message for your next check-in:
- Short and sweet: "Hi [Name], just wanted to say hello. I think about you ever so often and always look back fondly on our visits. Hope you're having a wonderful week."
- Focusing on the next catch-up: "Hi [Name], you crossed my mind today. I think about you ever so often and realized it’s been a while since we last caught up. Hope all is well with you!"
- Warm and nostalgic: "Hi [Name], just a little note to say hello. I think about you ever so often, especially when looking back at our school days and our visits over the years. Hope you are happy and healthy."
Would you like to draft a message to send her now, or are you just reflecting on how to phrase things for the next time you connect?
next time, and hoping to meet, since we are currently in different cities.
Since you are in different cities and looking forward to your next visit, pairing "thinking about you" with a gentle invitation is the perfect approach. It acknowledges your ongoing connection while smoothly opening the door to meet up.
Here is a warm, low-pressure draft you can save for when you are ready to reach out:
Message to Old Friend
Hi [Name],
Just wanted to send a quick note to say hello. I think about you ever so often, and since we're in different cities right now, I'd love to catch up next time our paths cross.
Hope everything is going well on your end!
This keeps the tone completely natural, acknowledges the distance, and clearly plants the seed for your next casual reunion.
When the time comes to send this, I can help you customize it if you'd like. Do you travel to her city often, or does she usually come to yours? Knowing who usually makes the trip can help us tweak the invitation.
we could meet in the middle. And currently I'm spending time in the midway point.
9:58 pm
Being right in the midway point at this very moment gives you the perfect, natural excuse to reach out. It turns a casual thought into a timely, exciting reason to connect.
Here is a revised draft you can send right now while you are in the middle city:
Message to Old Friend - Midway Point
Hi [Name],
I was just thinking about you. I'm actually spending some time in [Midway City] right now and realized it's the perfect middle ground for us.
It made me think we should plan to meet up here next time. I think about you ever so often and would love to catch up. Hope all is well!
This feels spontaneous, completely low-pressure, and gives a very clear reason why she popped into your mind today.
If you want to customize this further, let me know:
- What is the name of the midway city you are in?
- Would you like to suggest a specific activity (like getting lunch or coffee), or keep it open-ended?
I can plug those details right in for you.
MC. and open ended.
Here is the updated draft using midway city [MC] as your midway point. It keeps things completely open-ended and low-pressure, giving her the space to suggest what works best for her.
Message to Old Friend - MC
Hi [Name],
I was just thinking about you. I'm actually spending some time in MC right now and realized it's the perfect middle ground for us.
It made me think we should plan to meet up here next time. I think about you ever so often and would love to catch up whenever you're free to make a trip this way. Hope all is well!
This hits all the right notes: it feels timely, acknowledges your regular thoughts of her, and leaves the door wide open for future plans.
Would you like to adjust the wording to sound a bit more casual (like a quick text message), or does this email/note format feel just right?
How about, "Would you be in MC by any chance? Coz I'm here" in the text?
That is a fantastic addition. It makes the text feel incredibly spontaneous, current, and exciting.
Here is how you can blend that text-style phrasing with the rest of your thoughts into a warm, natural message:
Text Message to Old Friend - MC
Hi [Name], I was just thinking about you. Would you be in MC by any chance? Coz I'm here right now!
Since it's the perfect middle ground for us, it made me think we should plan to meet up here next time if you aren't around today. I think about you ever so often and would love to catch up whenever you're free to make a trip this way. Hope all is well!
This flows perfectly. It gives her the immediate chance to say "Yes, I'm actually here!" while smoothly transitioning into a plan for the future if she happens to be away.
